


before the rising sun

by veesknees



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Dreams, Drinking, M/M, Pining, guilty feelings about attraction, loneliness and longing, moomins sexual awakening?, self reflection, story contains some sexual elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veesknees/pseuds/veesknees
Summary: In which Moomintroll comes to terms with the various facets of his growing fondness for a certain forest dwelling, hat wearing individualAnd Snufkin attempts to will away his own feelings(unsuccessfully)
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 122





	1. moomintroll's dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Moomintroll encounters something particularly pressing on his subconscious mind
> 
> And he and Snufkin both take the unwitting first steps into an entirely new sort of adventure

_In Moomintroll's dream, he was laying in a field of flowers. Splayed out on the golden grass, his vision was flooded with warm spring sunlight. A chamomile blossom sprouted above his head and bobbed down between his eyes. The air was warm and the field was soft and Moomin felt so right in the world that he couldn't stop smiling. Ahh, this felt so good._

_He then became aware of a small weight pressing against his torso. Something was laying on his stomach... No, someone. Curiously peering downwards, he discovered that it was Snufkin! Lounging on top of him like some oversized cat. His hat was gone and the slightly smaller boy was staring at him through heavy lidded eyes. His suntanned cheeks were flushed a lovely pink as if he had just returned from a particularly strenuous hike. Except that Snufkin didn't really appear to have been moving anywhere at all._

_They layed there in the soft grass, stomach to stomach, and the warmth Moomin had felt before was quickly developing into something more. He swallowed nervously and placed a tentative paw over Snufkin's upper back. His friend beamed at the contact. "My Moomintroll, you truly are the most splendid, daring, and handsome creature I have ever met." He licked his lips and wriggled even closer, letting out a low pur at Moomin's continued caresses. Moomin felt dizzy at both the words and the contact but continued his movements, now tracing his paw upwards to pet his friend's soft, messy hair. Snufkin wrinkled his small snout, met Moomin's eyes, and whispered, "Say, why don't we stay this way forever?"_

_Moomintroll's heart hammered as he replied, "I'd love that, Snuff. You know I would do anything if you just asked me to."_

_The mumrik maintained their simmering eye contact and pulled a sly smirk. "Anything, you say? Well in that case... why don't we have a bit of fun?" With that, the boy sat up, now actively straddling the breathless Moomintroll. Sparing him one more glance, Snufkin reached down, seized the frayed hem of his green dress, and fluidly yanked it up to reveal-_

"SNUFKIN!"

Moomin woke with a start. His white fur ruffled, cheeks flushed, and body feeling far too hot for the thick, woolen blanket he was tangled in. His eyes darted around the room, feeling confusion mixed with disappointment as he gradually reoriented himself. He was in his bedroom. It was early morning, too early for anyone else in Moominhouse to have risen. And he, of course, was alone.

Moomintroll rubbed the space between his eyes with a flustered groan. _It was just a dream._

He was no stranger to vivid dreams. Ever since he was a small troll he had been able to rely on his slumbering mind to show him stories and facets of himself that were often wholly undiscovered. Even dreams of his best friend were a more or less constant for him. Snufkin had been a prominent figure in Moomin's life ever since the night they first met under a comet's flaming glow all those seasons ago. But these... these were not at all like his other dreams.

Moomin's dreams as of late had carried a certain unfamiliar weight with them. Something messy and exciting and strange. He felt that whatever you wanted to call them, they were far too intimate to ever be shared. Especially not with Snufkin. Moomin trusted his friend deeply, maybe even more than his own mama, but these dreams still felt like the type of thing one does not talk about. _Inappropriate_.

In addition to the warm feeling they left in his gut, and the fact that Snufkin never quite acted like himself in them, Moomin knew that these dreams would be a dead giveaway to his friend of his less than platonic feelings.

Moomintroll was all too aware of his heart's attachment to the free spirited boy. These dreams had simply become an alluring yet torturous reminder. Even if they did leave him feeling confused, he knew better than to confide them to his wise older friend. To do so would be to confess his true feelings.

He could never do that.

Snufkin was a vagabond. A lawless wanderer whose heart belonged to none. He kept his personal attachments to a minimum and certainly didn't have time for romance. In fact, Moomin had never seen Snufkin express the slightest interest for anyone in that sort of way. Not that he would ever want to... The thought of Snufkin smiling at and kissing and pining after someone else sent a terrible ache into Moomin's chest.

Snufkin cherished him as a friend. Anything more would surely only serve to make the traveler feel suffocated or trapped. Booble forbid, he might even be disgusted by Moomin's hidden affections for him! If he heard of the strange ways Moomin pictured him when dreaming... it could ruin everything.

Moomin, without realizing it, had begun to anxiously clutch at the place over his heart as his eyes shined with sorrow. _How silly._

The obvious course of action was to be grateful for the friendship they had and pretend that all those other heavy feelings did not exist. He would do it for Snufkin's sake, and also for his.

The wooden walls of Moomin's attic bedroom had begun to feel painfully tight when his lamentations were abruptly cut short by a cheerful song playing from outside his window. It was a sweet, sweeping tune and his ears shot up at the sound of it. It was Snufkin on his harmonica! The bubbling melody grew gradually stronger, likely as Snufkin neared Moominhouse. Despite himself, Moomintroll couldn't help but smile at the mumrik's music. He recognized the song Snufkin currently played as 'All small beasts should have bows in their tails'. It was Moomin's favorite and his friend had always played it specially for him. It was a lovely feeling to have your own song. But why would Snufkin be playing it now?

!THE HOT SPRING!

Moomin had been so consumed by his dream and the melancholy that followed that he had completely forgotten about the plans Snufkin had made with him yesterday evening.

_"Moomintroll," the brunette boy tapped on his shoulder as they ate their supper outside on the verandah. Moomin was daydreaming about a sailing story Snorkmaiden had shared with him earlier in the day and the unexpected touch caused him to choke a bit on his mouthful of raspberry juice. Snufkin watched his reaction knowingly and gave the troll a moment to gather himself before continuing, "I have discovered something I think you may find to be of interest." Snufkin's twinkling round eyes darted side to side conspiratorially even though no one was paying them the slightest bit of attention._

_Moomin grinned at his friend's playful mood before lowering his glass and matching Snufkin's secretive tone, "Well, it depends... What is it that is so interesting?"_

_Snufkin eagerly pressed his lips together, as he often did when about to share an especially exciting secret. He leaned in, tilted his head upwards to meet Moomintroll's right ear, and whispered, "I happened upon a hot spring this morning. It appeared to be completely undiscovered and was quite lovely. Why don't the two of us go down tomorrow morning for a swim? It's a long walk so we would need to rise before dawn. The early bird does get the worm after all..."_

_Moomin was delighted to be included in something Snufkin thought to be so special. He had maybe also enjoyed the way the boy's hot, whispered breath had felt so close to his fur. He nodded his head and eagerly voiced his agreement the moment those sweet lips resumed their tightly pressed grin._

_They said their goodnights after supper. Snufkin promised to wake Moomin up since he wasn't exactly accustomed to the early hours the vagabond routinely kept. Moomin offered to bring Moominmamma's pancakes for their lunch and Snufkin sillily patted his stomach in response, saying that they would do nicely. Moomin giggled and climbed up the old rope ladder leading to his bedroom window. His heart raced with excitement for the following day he would get to spend alone with his dearest friend._

_That night he packed a bag bursting with provisions, complete with a hearty pancake meal courtesy of Moominmama. The heavy bag was placed at the foot of his bed, prepared, or perhaps over-prepared, for anything and everything the world could possibly throw at them. Satisfied with his work, Moomintroll climbed into bed and fell asleep with a smile on his face for in the morning, he would see Snufkin._

"Ready to go, Moomintroll?" Snufkin primly squeezed the straps of his knapsack and looked expectantly at his friend from beneath the brim of his faded green hat. Sunny brown hair framed his face in messy but soft strands, all floating in the morning breeze. Moomin felt the urge to reach out and touch that hair. To feel the feathered texture between the pads of his paw. To smoothly sweep the blowing locks to the side, away from Snufkin's pretty face. Mmm, what a lovely thought. He wondered warmly what his friend's hair smelled like.

"Moomintroll? Is something wrong?"

And there was reality to nip him in the arse, serves him right for acting so foolishly. Moomin blinked and tried to recover his dignity, suddenly becoming very intrigued by a lonely patch of daffodils growing directly behind Snufkin. "Oh-erm, sorry Snufkin. I think my mind hasn't quite woken up yet."

Snufkin's inquisitive, albeit mildly concerned look was replaced with a playful smirk as he turned away and coyly replied, "Perhaps you are still dreaming." Moomin choked a bit at the unintentionally cutting comment and felt himself go pink as the ever composed mumrik proceeded along the path without him. "Come along, I'd like to leave before a certain Little My awakes or else we may gain some unwanted company. Yip yip!"

The thought of Little My was troublesome enough to more or less return Moomin to his senses. With a shudder at the thought of the small, teasing creature, he quickly readjusted the weight of his overstuffed pack and stumbled forward to meet Snufkin's brisk pace.

The pair walked side by side as the sun gradually lifted the deep violet sky into a brighter blue. Morning songbirds acknowledged their passing with amiable whirs and chirps. The sound was perfectly paired by the soft plodding of their footsteps over the damp grass. Not a word was spoken between the two. There was only a faint humming from Snufkin, for he found great inspiration in the sounds of the valley at dawn. That, and he always felt particularly struck by the world's beauty when Moomintroll was around. Something about being near his silly friend seemed to charge his surroundings with a whole new layer of loveliness and awe. Thoughts like that, however, were always tucked away upon thinking. They posed feelings beyond reckoning and surely they could not be his...

Snufkin tightened his grip on his knapsack and suppressed a small frown. He was simply happy to share such a sacred moment with his dear friend.

That much was true.

The sun had fully risen as the early afternoon approached to reveal a somewhat overcast sky. Moomin usually preferred sunshine to mugginess, especially in the spring, but supposed that the dim weather today was a good thing since a cooler atmosphere would make for a better time in the hot spring.

His train of though was once again pulled from the weather when Snufkin's arm softly brushed against his own for what could have been the tenth time in the past five minutes. Each instance proved to be a touch overwhelming for Moomintroll, sending millions of thrilling, hot sparks jolting throughout his body. He chanced a glance over at Snufkin's face to gauge his reaction, but his friend seemed to be completely unaware of their fleeting touches. Instead his calm, watchful gaze was set resolutely upon the path ahead. _He's so cool._

He immediately began to chide himself for acting like such a small troll and pulled his gaze away from Snufkin and his painfully pretty light brown hair. Moomin truly did his best to imitate his friend's carefree tread but knew that even his best performance could only run skin deep. His most grown-up stance could not erase the butterflies he felt each time their bodies grazed together. He couldn't help but smile to himself like a lovestruck fool.

...This was going to be a long day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **bruh I accidently deleted this chapter while writing the newest one but its back up now x


	2. the hot spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Snufkin finds going for a swim with his friend to be a trickier task than initially thought
> 
> Or, the hot spring serves to heat things up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the formidable Hot Spring chapter

They arrived at the hot spring an hour or so prior to noon if Snufkin's approximations were anything to go by. It was a shame about the weather, though. With gloomy skies like these, the traveler's general orientation tended to become a bit muddled. Snufkin savored stormy weather but the drab clouds that were currently gracing the sky only served to make him feel restless and vaguely drowsy.

One thing the vagabond had not approximated was how tediously long their hike to the spring would end up taking, but he supposed he could thank Moomintroll's _unique_ packing sensibilities for that.

It was a known fact between the two that while Snufkin preferred to travel light, hauling along only the bare minimum necessary for survival, Moomin held no such regard for the physical bulk of his luggage. It often seemed to Snufkin that his friend's efforts hinged upon one question and one question alone; if the entire world collapsed, would he have enough provisions hoarded upon his fuzzy backside to rebuild society as we know it brick by brick?

...Perhaps that was an exaggeration.

The mumrik strived to view things from all possible angles and had a feeling that his personal impression of Moomin's on-the-go nesting tendency may be a touch over the top. It's just that when Snufkin looked at his friend's pack, practically bursting at the seams, he wasn't sure where the lie ended and the truth began.

Why Moomin insisted on doing this to himself was beyond the vagabond's comprehension. Overstuffed packs may be a comfort to his friend but to Snufkin they only served to make him feel uncomfortably heavy and claustrophobic.

But in spite of their opposing preferences, Snufkin genuinely thought nothing ill of Moomintroll's habit. If he was being honest with himself he actually found it endearing, much like everything else about the silly troll. In fact, Snufkin minded Moomintroll's particular ways so little that he was beginning to fear that his friend was incapable of actually displeasing him. Surely such unconditional fondness could not be healthy.

At this point in the day, Snufkin's only wish was for the hardheaded boy to at the very least allow him to help bear the heady, self imposed burden from time to time. But try as Snufkin might, Moomintroll adamantly refused even his most subtle attempts at offering assistance. After all those miles, it became clear to the seasoned traveler that his friend was in a losing battle with the accursed thing. The stubborn troll was apparently intent on defending his absurd sense of pride down to the last breath.

As a result, they had come to move at the mighty pace of a garden snail. Snufkin took it in stride and tried to enjoy the overcast scenery instead of pointlessly worrying over his friend's physical wellbeing. _You know that Moomintroll is perfectly capable of doing things on his own... He is also very strong._ Despite his minor concerns, Snufkin held full confidence in Moomin's hidden reserves of physical strength. Once encountered, they were a hard beast to forget. But even someone as strong and determined as his friend could grow tired... _I will just have to be sure to eat a big lunch so that his burden may become lighter._

Snufkin primly swept his fingertips along the brim of his hat, tilted his head back to his breathless companion, and called out, "We're almost there! Just another mile left to go. Keep it up, Moomintroll! Slow and steady!"

Moomin perked his ears at the encouragement and began to shoulder his obscenely large pack with renewed vigor. Seeing his friend bear his heavy burden like that, Snufkin's eyes couldn't help but be drawn to the admirable pair of arms Moomintroll had. Beneath the layers of fluff and fur were supple biceps and forearms, all flexing and straining in effort against the pack's weight. As far as muscles went, Snufkin thought they were quite pretty.

_My oh my, have Moomintroll's arms always been that big?_ He supposed his friend's physical strength could be easily overlooked due to how much of a sweetheart he was. He truly could not harm even a buzzing fly. Those arms on the other hand... they could do as they _pleased_.

Snufkin coughed and tugged a bit at his collar, suddenly feeling quite thirsty. Despite the cool, cloudy weather, he had worked up a steady sweat and was now hot all over.

That made two of them.

Eating a full lunch proved to be an easy feat. The journey had left both boys feeling famished and together they polished off Moominmamma's day-old pancakes and jam down to the last crumb.

Lounging back against a rock, stomach full and feeling content, Snufkin observed with satisfaction that at least a third of his companion's pack had been eliminated by their appetites. But if they had eaten all of the food, then what on earth could possibly be left hiding within that monstrous bag of his?

Snufkin shook his head in disbelief and absently palmed at the familiar shape of his harmonica through his pocket even though he had no actual intention of playing. He lifted his head to notice Moomintroll's bright blue eyes studying him as if he were doing something incredibly important. Snufkin quickly turned his face away, feeling a bit self conscious at the troll's intense attention.

His averted eyes now fell upon the fated hot spring, the reason Snufkin had led Moomin this deep into the forest in the first place. Eager to soak his tired bones, Snufkin stood and stretched his body with a sigh. "Now that our bellies are full, shall we go for a swim?" The proposal was all it took for Moomin to leap to his feet and join Snufkin's side at the flawless stone edge of the steaming spring.

The woods here were thick and a canopy of rich, brown branches loomed above them, blocking out the grey sky. There was dark green moss lining the rocky perimeter of the hot spring and on the outskirts of the small clearing were scattered patches of forget-me-nots, the blue flowers nodding off in the wind. Snufkin admired the pretty sight before him and was secretly quite pleased to have found such a picturesque place to share with his friend.

Moomintroll seemed to share his sentiments as he openly gaped first at the hot spring and then at Snufkin. "Wow, Snufkin! You were right, this place really is lovely! I can't believe we've never seen it before. How in the world did you manage to find it?"

The mumrik gave a small shrug of his shoulders and casually gazed off to the side, as if deep in thought. "I suppose it was just ready to be found. There are hidden beauties everywhere, you know."

Moomin watched Snufkin closely and then nodded at his words with thoughtful reverence.

While what Snufkin had said was certainly true, his actual discovery of the spring had perhaps not been all as natural as he had implied.

The truth was that for the past several days, he had been actively searching for an attractive, secluded, and unexplored spot like this. Why is that? Well... it _had_ been a terribly long time since he and Moomintroll embarked on an adventure together. This spring season had been a fickle one and Snufkin could count the interactions he's had with the troll since returning from his trip south on less than one paw. All he had wanted was to find a lonely spot in the woods and invite Moomintroll along so that they may at last spend some time together. It was really nothing much. What were good friends for?

Snufkin placidly looked on as Moomin crouched low, placed his paws upon the spring's stone edge, and tentatively lowered his body into it until hot water lazily lapped at his upper chest. You could practically see the tension dripping away from the boy's strained body as he fluttered his eyes and sighed, "Ahhh, this feels so good!" Moomin then began to horse around a bit, swimming in circles and splashing about like a small troll. The ruckus caused rippling waves to crash up against the pool's stone edge and overflow in warm puddles onto the moss blanketed earth. Snufkin covered his mouth to conceal an amused chuckle at his friend's shining enthusiasm.

"Come on in, Snufkin! The water's great!" Moomintroll beamed up at him with sparkling sky colored eyes and Snufkin couldn't help but smile back fondly. Seeing his friend so joyful made a warm, fluttering feeling bloom deep within his chest. _What a splendid Moomintroll._

Snufkin supposed it was about time he got into the water as well. He would just need to undress first so his clothes didn't get soaked. He absently sniffed before carefully unlacing his boots and placing them and his patched up socks in a neat line beside his knapsack. Plucking off his hat and loosening his scarf, he placed them there too. Next he stood and reached down for the hem of his dress. He was about to pull it off when his eyes met Moomintroll's... _W_ _ell that is certainly strange._

The younger boy's face was bright red beneath his white fur and he looked somewhat dizzy. The most alarming feature was the way he was currently eyeing Snufkin... Now _that_ was an expression one doesn't see every day. Not necessarily a bad one but definitely perplexing... perhaps he was becoming overheated from the water.

Snufkin allowed his dress to fall back down around himself and called, "Are you feeling alright there, Moomintroll? If it's too hot you can just say so." Moomin awkwardly sputtered and shook his head 'no' before he clumsily sank below the water's surface and remained there as if intending to drown himself. Snufkin raised an eyebrow and wasn't sure what to make of the troll's reaction and decided to just move on.

Not waiting for further interruptions, he turned his back to Moomintroll and quickly pulled off his dress. He folded it and placed it on top of his pack. Now all he wore was a thin cotton shirt tucked into brown pants with a pair of short trousers underneath.

It occurred to Snufkin that Moomintroll hadn't seen this much of his body in at least two years. With how close the two boys were, it was an odd thing to think. It was likely due to the fact that Snufkin typically preferred to maintain certain boundaries with people. Sometimes even seemingly insignificant things like being seen without his dress and hat caused him to feel terribly vulnerable. It's not that Snufkin was at all ashamed of his body, he had just grown over the years to be selectively modest. It really could be better understood as more of an emotional preference. Nevertheless, it took a special person for him to let his guard down and be seen physically bare like this.

A very special person indeed.

Snufkin scoffed at his own aimless sentimentality and tugged off the ragged old textile that was his shirt, adding it to the pile of well worn clothes lying beneath him. All that remained now were Snufkin's pants. That is, unless he was planning to brave the hot spring and his friend while fully nude. _Skinny dipping with Moomintroll._ Now there was a thought he certainly was _not_ thinking.

Snufkin deftly undid his pant's three mismatched buttons and gripped two paws around the waistband. However, instead of pulling them down, he found himself faltering. He was anxiously aware of Moomintroll's presence in the water behind him. Knowing the fumbling boy, he was likely not-so-subtly staring at Snufkin this very moment. _Oh my..._ The image of his friend intently watching him undress gave him warm, mixed feelings in his stomach but really did not improve the situation at all.

Snufkin frowned a bit to himself. This was proving to be trickier than expected and Snufkin was feeling unsure. Was he willing to show so much of himself to his friend? Yes... he decided firmly that he was. With one decisive tug, off came Snufkin's pants to be folded and set down atop his dry knapsack and out of harm's way.

He spared a wary glance down at his tight cotton trousers. The soft fabric only reached down to his upper thighs and left few features to the imagination. What would Moomintroll think of the sight? Snufkin could feel his cheeks heating up uncontrollably and he sharply pinched his inner upper arm to get a hold of himself. _Now is NOT the time._

Snufkin squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath in, exhaled, and slowly opened them once more. _I can do this, just act naturally._

With slightly damp palms, Snufkin turned on his heels to join Moomin in the spring. He had hoped his friend would be occupied enough for Snufkin to fully submerge his exposed body in the water without there being a fuss. He saw with exasperation that this was not going to be the case.

When Snufkin turned to face the steaming pool, his eyes were immediately met by Moomintroll's dreamy and unsettlingly focused gaze. Moomin's face looked even stranger than it had just moments before as he comically gaped up at the slender, sun kissed boy who stood so naturally before him.

The expression Moomin was wearing however did not exactly register to Snufkin in that very moment. All he could think of was how troubled this situation was causing him to feel. The mumrik normally possessed an understanding and respect for his various emotional states. Yet now, he only felt cornered and out of his depth. He anxiously wondered if Moomintroll was able to tell. _H_ _ow embarrassing._ He instinctively reached a paw to tug his hat down to hide his heated cheeks, only to be rudely reminded of his current state.

Snufkin dismissively shook his head and moved his gaze away from the troll. He did his best to go along as normal in spite of the flustered feelings deep in his gut. Donning a neutral expression, Snufkin dipped a bare foot into the churning hot water. He shut his eyes and let out a small sigh for it felt even better than he had expected it to. Snufkin gradually stepped in further and slowly waded out to the center of the pool. The hot water reached just below his shoulders and he tilted his head back to wet his disheveled brown hair. "Oh my, this feels amazing..."

Moomin regarded him timidly and said, "Yes, it does wonders for your sore muscles. My back was in agony from the hike here but now it feels much better."

Snufkin soon was pulled from his previous worries and frowned at the thought of that dreadful bag harming his friend. He decided it was probably best to let the matter be. He remained quiet and swam over to sit beside Moomintroll atop a submerged stone. Snufkin made sure to leave a respectable distance between their bodies to prevent any more breaks in his composure.

They shared some meandering conversation and revisited several jokes from earlier in the day before settling into a companionable silence. Both boys reclined their heads against the warm stone behind them and closed their eyes. The water bubbled and a light spring breeze rustled the dark oak trees surrounding them. The entire world felt warm and serene. When the two friends were together like this, nothing else could ever really matter. Because this silence that they shared, it was more than enough.

Snufkin was beginning to doze off when he lazily lifted his heavy lidded eyes and turned his head to face his friend. Moomin appeared to be completely relaxed and could have been asleep if Snufkin didn't know better. He however was familiar with how unquiet the troll could be when sleeping. How he was prone to uttering incoherent sounds and words to himself amidst the throws of his own dreams. Right now, Moomintroll's countenance was calm and he simply appeared to be savoring the cozy warmth of this golden moment.

Moomintroll's head and shoulders had been above water long enough to become dry and had done so quite messily, with bits and pieces of white fur ruffled and standing on end in the steaming air that surrounded them. Snufkin bit his lip and suppressed the urge to run his paws through the fluffy mess and smooth it out. Touching Moomintroll like that and so out of the blue would not have been appropriate. Instead, he opted to subtly scoot closer to his friend until they sat about an inch or so apart. He leaned his head back again and closed his eyes, innocently acting as if he had been sitting this close to the boy all along. _Mmm_... Snufkin felt very good.

...But perhaps he felt _too_ good.

The hot spring's intoxicating effect mixed with how close he was sitting to Moomintroll had caused Snufkin's mind to wander. He was suddenly vividly reminded of his friend's muscles. With arms so strong, Moomintroll could surely lift Snufkin without breaking a sweat. They really were the perfect size and shape for his small body. Snufkin wriggled a bit at the thought and his face grew hot and flushed from something other than the steaming water. Why, if Moomintroll wished, he could likely sweep Snufkin off his feet and carry him away without a problem. He could also do _other_ things to him...

!NO!

What was he doing? What would Moomin think of Snufkin if he knew the truth? These were not the thoughts one was supposed to have for their best friend! Snufkin had wished so badly for them to go away but every time he saw Moomintroll and his dopey grin, the thoughts and feelings only burned him deeper. Snufkin's heated cheeks served as damning proof of his own culpability.

He was not naive to the ways of the world and was aware of the energy that can exist between two bodies. It had just never occurred to the vagabond that those carnal desires could ever apply to him. Now his head was achingly filled with hazy images of him and his friend, all tinged with a burning need not just to hug and kiss but to _touch_ and _be touched_ in return.

Perhaps that was the real reason why they have seen each other so little this spring. Part of Snufkin had known that it would be better for the both of them if he just stayed away.

Snufkin knew this type of desire wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But when his inappropriate thoughts targeted the sweetest, most noble, brave, and pure of heart person the traveler had ever met... he truly felt like the lowest of the low. How could he betray Moomintroll's friendship in such a way? The younger boy admired him only because Snufkin was so good at pretending that nothing was the matter.

His mind was messier than it used to be regarding his relationship with Moomintroll and that shook Snufkin to his core.

All of these feelings and desires had grown and grown until Snufkin did not know what to do with them. His heart had become so consumed that the mumrik feared he was losing sight of himself. Moomintroll touched him deeply and he had struggled so hard to avoid addressing the undeniable reality of his own heart. Snufkin had not wanted to accept these heavy feelings as his own. Yet, they were.

And then came the truth.

Snufkin cared for his friend in such a way that could not be reciprocated. He also thought about and _wanted_ him in a sense that could never be alright.

_What a terrible friend._

Snufkin had sunken so deep into a pit of self doubt and shame that he did not notice when Moomin drowsily rubbed at his face and sat up from his passive position. He was now looking at Snufkin, blue eyes brimming with concern. Moomin gingerly reached out a paw, as if wanting to touch his friend's quivering shoulder, but seemed to decide against it as he returned it to the simmering water below. After a moment of stillness, he lowered his voice and softly spoke, "Hey, Snuff. Are you feeling alright? You don't look like yourself."

Snufkin snapped up his head to meet Moomintroll's eyes, feeling quite guilty. His lips trembled yet he still managed to utter out, "I was having some troubling thoughts. I think that... I will be okay now."

Moomin continued to regard Snufkin as if he were something delicate and incredibly precious. He clearly was still worried but for Snufkin's sake, put on an affectionate smile with eyes that shone with a shameless adoration for his dearest friend.

For all of Snufkin's flaws, Moomintroll was still _so_ good to him.

In the light of his friend's kindness, Snufkin found his lips quirking upwards into a small smile despite himself. He shivered lightly and unclenched the paws he hadn't realized he'd been squeezing. His kindhearted friend had the ability to make everything better just by being there.

It is a strange thing indeed to have someone who knows and cares for you so deeply. It was a feeling the mumrik used to dismiss as something that was not for someone of his nature. For so long, he had been building up walls and always moving further away as a means to escape it. But whenever Snufkin looked into Moomintroll's eyes, he thought that perhaps this feeling was not a cage but a key. The missing piece to the sense of true freedom he had ached for ever since his heart first became burdened by these secret affections. Snufkin thought that maybe this feeling was the best thing one could have... even if it was fated to only flow in one direction.

Snufkin felt he was lucky to have it.

Once they were out of the hot spring, Snufkin deftly retrieved his clothes and in no time at all the pair was packed and ready for the returning journey.

Snufkin grasped the straps of his knapsack and paused to give the lonely spring a contemplative look. This day had certainly been a foggy one, but things were at least starting to make sense to him again. Snufkin took a moment to gather himself before moving on. "We should be off now if we wish to reach Moominhouse before dark. It seems that two travel heavier than one and you, my friend, are not a light packer."

Moomin was going to protest but resigned to simply rolling his eyes dramatically at Snufkin's words for the troll was secretly relieved to see his friend acting like his usual self again.

It became clear to Moomin that if he didn't start moving now, Snufkin could and would leave him behind. Moomintroll scoffed at him with faux annoyance and quickened his pace until he was ahead of the incessant mumrik. Snufkin chuckled at the bold troll and followed along in his friend's footsteps at a patient pace.

The pack looked to be less of a burden upon Moomintroll now, Snufkin observed gladly. Perhaps if they hurried they could be back in time for Snufkin to catch some minnows to cook up for supper before turning in for the night.

He truly had much on his mind to be turned over and explored just as soon as he could be by himself.

They made it back to Moominhouse sometime after sunset. The tall, blue building greeted the travel worn pair warmly, scattered windows alight by the souls milling about within. Snufkin walked with Moomin until they reached the bridge. Halting his steps, Snufkin tipped his hat to the boy politely and said, "So long then, Moomintroll."

"Oh. Yes, goodnight Snufkin..." Moomin fixed his eyes on the river that flowed beneath their feet and scratched at the back of his head, "I had a really good time today. I'm glad you decided to bring me along."

"And I must admit that I enjoyed the company," Snufkin paused before his lips slipped upwards into a sarcastic smirk, "You know how I loathe being on my own." He gave Moomin a friendly wink, turned his back, and strolled away in the direction of his tent which was currently pitched upon the sleepy green riverbank on the far side of the bridge. "Cheerio!"

The air had been growing thicker by the second and as Snufkin slipped inside his temporary home, fat drops of rain began to fall from the blackening night sky. He hurriedly pulled up the zipper to seal himself off from the oncoming downpour. Snufkin placed his knapsack on the dry floor of his shelter before huffing a loud sigh and falling back onto his thin bedroll. He pensively watched as the tarpaulin walls of his battered tent began to violently quiver in the face of the rain's heavy onslaught.

_Looks like it is too wet for fish or fire..._

Snufkin decided that he really wasn't hungry anymore anyway. Right now, all he was was tired. Tired, and perhaps a little bit lonesome for someone he could not have.

He shook off his hat and boots and tugged off his scarf without sitting up, opting instead to shove them with his feet to the far corner of the tent. He then pulled his legs against his chest and listened to the storming night that wailed around him. "Don't let the bed bugs bite," he solemnly whispered to nobody in particular. His eye lids grew heavier and heavier until Snufkin finally shut them, surrendering himself to the empty embrace of sleep.

_...I wonder what Moomintroll is doing..._

...Probably sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao well that was less than a week.
> 
> I really do be writing moomin to just constantly be on the verge of love(or lust?) induced cardiac arrest every breathing moment.
> 
> oh my gosh your comments are literally the sweetest thing in the entire world. i was NOT prepared for this level of kindness and my heart went-
> 
> in all honesty, your positive feedback was probably what gave me the willpower to finish this chapter as soon as i did so i definitely owe ya one<3
> 
> anyways, until next time! xox


	3. snufkin's invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an unexplored path lies at the forefront of Moomintroll's dreams
> 
> And Snufkin arrives at a crossroads between disappointing his dearest friend, and braving the utter trial that is other people at a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer in case you don't want to read the more sexual content of this story; moomin has another dream here that is somewhat more explicit than the last. if you would rather skip, scroll past the first section of italicized text. I wouldn't want anyone to be made needlessly uncomfortable by something I wrote so take care
> 
> (i wasn't sure if the content was enough to call for a higher rating and upped it to mature just in case)
> 
> <3 enjoy chapter three! <3

_In his dream, Moomin was walking the path to the lone hot spring. Feet padding along the mossy forest floor, his heart pattered light with expectation.The seldom traveled trail was adorned with patches of sunshine, tinted golden-green by the oak leaves swaying overhead. Moomin observed pleasantly that the weather was better than the last time they came this way._

_In an instant, he was standing before the hot spring. Licks of steam rose from behind the bordering grey stones and dissipated among the tree branches above. Moomin spotted someone sitting in the water. Someone with a tousled, light brown head of hair. "Snufkin!!!"_

_At the sound of his voice, Snufkin turned and smiled so fondly at Moomin's presence that the troll could feel his heart fit to burst. "Hullo there, Moomintroll! I'm so glad you decided to come, I've been waiting for you all day."_

_That was too good to be true, "Really? F-for me?"_

_Snufkin smirked and tilted his head to the side, not taking his chestnut eyes off Moomin for even a second. "Who else would I be here for? Sniff?" Moomin felt himself giggle because the thought of Snufkin going out of his way to spend time with Sniff was more than absurd. Snufkin raised an eyebrow at his reaction and began to idly twirl his own hair between the pads of a paw. How pretty. "Join me, Moomintroll. It feels very good."_

_Moomin needed no convincing and the next thing he knew, he was seated in the spring's warm water with Snufkin by his side._

_The_ _mumrik_ _placed a tingling paw on Moomin's shoulder and began to speak in a low, mischievous tone. "Moomintroll, I was thinking... why don't we make ourselves more comfortable?" Moomin opened his mouth to speak only to clamp it shut again as Snufkin moved himself up and over until he was sitting upon his burning lap. Placing a paw on either shoulder, Snufkin gave an experimental wiggle, causing Moomin to choke on air._

_Although Snufkin seemed to be wearing his trousers, the rest of his body was very much bare and Moomin could feel marvelously hot skin pressed firmly against his own. He longed desperately to touch Snufkin until he knew his friend's body by memory. Instead, he opted to simply sit and savor the pleasant weight of Snufkin nestled upon his lap. It felt good... but he wanted to feel more._

_Snufkin blinked his heavy lidded eyes up at_ _Moomintroll, pulling a sly smile. "Enjoying yourself?" He leaned in close,_ _breath puffing against Moomin's ears, "Tell me what you want."_

_"...I want to make you feel good, Snuff."_

_The tan boy chuckled, "Oh_ _Moomee_ _, don't you know? You already have." Then came a devilish grin and even lower tone drawling out, "Why don't I return the favor?"_

_And oh, something was happening... Snufkin's seemingly innocent wiggles atop Moomin's lap had become more purposeful and better aimed. Snufkin was now deliberately rocking his clothed crotch against Moomin's own bare one. Bearing a flushed face and huffing softly, Snufkin looked Moomin dead in the eyes as he slowly but steadily rubbed the troll's senses into oblivion._

_"_ _Ahhh,_ _Snuffkinnn_! _" Moomin gasped, feeling unbearably hot, "It feels... so... good... P-please dont stop-"_

_He didn't. Snufkin continued to rhythmically rut his hips into Moomintroll's quivering lap with a heightened force. His lean thighs flexed and squeezed tightly around Moomin's own as he languidly grinded their groins together in a series of growing thrusts._

_Being with Snufkin like this felt like nothing else in the world. Watching him blush and pant through parted lips all while moving back and forth over his body did incredible things to Moomin. He felt a delicious, tingling pressure burning in the depths of his stomach. Soon, all Moomin could see or feel anymore was Snufkin. Snufkin rapidly grinding their submerged bodies together faster and faster and faster until-_

!THUMP!

Moomin's eyes shot open as his body hit the wooden boards of his bedroom floor... He had toppled down from his bed and taken his tangled sheets with him. Letting out a strangled groan, Moomin warily rubbed his half awake eyes. It was morning. Judging by the bright sunlight filling his window and the smell of toast and coffee wafting up from downstairs, he had overslept. He must have been sleeping quite deeply to have not- _Oh._

Upon remembering his dream, Moomin went beet red and his paws flew up to cover his face out of utter mortification. This was getting out of hand. Never had one of these dreams been so... _eventful._

Thinking back on what had taken place, Moomintroll felt flustered and embarrassed. Yet, another part of him was disappointed that it had ended so soon. Inappropriate or not, those dreams of touching Snufkin and being touched in return felt _good_. It was nice to be loved by his friend in such a way, even if it was only in a dream.

Sitting there on his bedroom floor, a cold contrast was drawn between Moomin's dreams and his reality. The real Snufkin wouldn't cling to and fawn over him like that. He certainly would never want to do such things with him either, Moomin thought with a shiver. The Snufkin he knew would much prefer to be on his own two feet than be held close in the arms of a best friend... _or lover._

Moomin could feel himself getting carried away and tried his best to regain composure. He doubted it would be good to waste any more time brooding on his bedroom floor than he already had. He wasn't a small troll anymore and he would not put his life on hold just because he was foolishly pining after the heart of a wandering vagabond.

Moomin was hungry and it was time to meet the day ahead. _Things will work themselves out. This doesn't have to change us. Just treat him the same as usual... it's not that hard._

For now, he just needed to avoid thinking of that troublesome dream...

When Moomin finally came downstairs, Little My and Snorkmaiden were already seated at the dining room table eating their breakfast. Although Moominmamma was out of sight, Moomin could hear the soothingly familiar sounds of her bustling about in the kitchen.

Snorkmaiden was the first to spot Moomin standing in the doorway and she smiled at him pleasantly, "Good morning, Moomin! Did you sleep well?"

Moomin rubbed the back of his head nervously and offered a somewhat unconvincing smile in return. "Morning, Snorkmaiden! U-uhm... something like that."

Little My had been occupied with impaling her toast on a fork and chomping it down viscously but looked up at Moomin's comment with a cutting expression, "What? Was sleeping half the day away not enough for your delicate sensibilities?"

Moomin scowled down at the small, red haired girl and decided not to dignify her rude comment with an answer. The mymble soon opened her mouth to add something more but was fortunately cut off by Moominmamma. The moomin woman had entered the room with homely grace, green eyes crinkling warmly at the sight of her son. "Good morning, dear. I'm glad you're up. Your breakfast is on the table, though I'm afraid it may not be very warm."

"Oh that's fine, Mama. The food smells great." Moomin took his place at the table and eagerly began to eat for he had worked up quite an appetite while sleeping.

In between bites, Moominmamma brushed a gentle paw over his shoulder and spoke, "Darling, I was meaning to remind you of the party we are having this evening. I was going to tell you yesterday but then you had your little trip with Snufkin..."

Moomin stopped eating and looked up at her, feeling confused. "A party? But didn't we just have one?"

"Oh that was over a week ago, dear. Remember, your father needed a willing audience to share his new poetry collection with. I have high hopes that this will be a different affair entirely."

Moomin shuddered at the all too recent memory of his father's artistic soliloquies. "So what exactly are we celebrating this time?"

Little My's scorching gaze flicked to Moomintroll and she seized this moment to make her voice heard. "Don't you know? Today is the first day of summer, of course! We have only been preparing for this party for the past _week_ , not that _you_ ever lifted a fluffy finger... But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that an oaf like you couldn't take the time to notice our slaving away. It seems to me that you have been preoccupied with other matters entirely..."

Moomin felt a sharp twang of guilt for not being more involved in his family's plans. His mind has just been in other places these days... Regardless, he scowled down at Little My for her impudence and responded in what he hoped was a very grown up tone. "If you have something to say to me, Little My, I would greatly appreciate not to be kept in suspense!"

Little My glared at Moomin, wholly unimpressed by his attempt to be formidable. "I've simply noticed how consumed your mighty mind has been on certain matters even more so than usual, if that is even possible! Pining and pining away after your absolute _favorite_ homeless, sign pulling, unwashed criminal..."

Moomin's face heated up at the mymble's words. This was _so_ like her! "Shut up, Little My! You have no idea what you're talking about! And Snufkin is not unwashed, he bathes a regular amount!"

My raised a thin, red brow at Moomin before replying with a nasty smirk, "Wouldn't _you_ know." She then slammed her small fists onto the tabletop, clattering their dishes, and shot him a challenging look. "I wonder where the two of you snuck off to yesterday in the wee hours of the morning without inviting any of us along... Whatever _were_ you doing in the middle of the woods with _my_ little brother, Moomintroll?"

My's accusatory tone struck a chord within Moomin and instead of retaliating, he shut his mouth and looked down to his plate a bit pathetically. What _had_ he been doing yesterday? His thoughts while in the spring had not been all that innocent. It seemed he couldn't be a normal friend to Snufkin for even a day. Not to mention his most recent dream... Why was he like this?

Moomin's woeful thoughts however were swiftly interrupted by a high, scolding tone. "That's quite enough, Little My! Leave him be." Snorkmaiden gave My a reprimanding look and amazingly the fierce mymble actually backed down, reclaiming her position at the table in a tall chair seated beside the blonde girl's own.

Snorkmaiden shook her head disapprovingly at My's behaviour before returning to Moomin with a comforting gaze. "Oh, don't let her upset you, Moomintroll. She's just cross because without you at home yesterday evening, she had no one to beat when we played chess."

Moomin's fleeting sense of relief at being delivered from Little My's verbal assault was quickly replaced by offended indignation. "I'll have you know I am a perfectly fine, if not average, chess player! _Little My_ just likes to insult me to break my focus which causes me to lose on occasion. I win my share of games!"

Before Snorkmaiden could do so much as open her mouth, My began to cackle impishly from her tottering wooden seat, "Ha! Do you now? I bet the only times you've ever won a game was when playing with Snufkin and that's because he lets you!"

...Oh dear was that true?

Moomin had barely finished his breakfast and he was already feeling worn down by the day. It seemed he was more sensitive to Little My's words than usual this morning.

As if on queue, Moominmamma selected this moment to approach the table, a freshly squeezed pitcher of lemonade in tow. In her presence, everyone fell quiet, even My. Mama moved about the room with a patient grace and filled each of their glasses with the cold, bittersweet juice. When she arrived at Moomintroll's place, she lifted her green eyes to meet her son's blue ones, "By the way darling, we have already sent out invitations to our party guests but I saved telling Snufkin for you. I assume you want him to come. I thought that rather than simply tell him, you may like to write him an invitation of your own. I left the colored parchment and ink out in your father's study for you just in case."

The thought of writing Snufkin a special note appealed to Moomin greatly and for the first time that morning, his face broke into an eager grin. "That's a great idea, Mama! You said supplies are in the study? I'll go write him one now!" Moomin rose from his place at the table and excitedly careened upstairs like a runaway top, stopping only once to shout down, "Thanks for breakfast! It was delicious as always," before scrambling upstairs to write Snufkin's invitation.

Moominmamma chuckled warmly to herself and began to pack up their leftovers to save for Sniff in case he decided to stop by for an early afternoon breakfast. _My sweet Moomintroll._ She remembered fondly how thrilling it had been for her all those years ago, writing notes and letters to a certain _best friend_ of her own.

Although Moominpappa had always tended to do more of the writing, but she supposed that was to be expected when it came to him.

_"Dear_ _Snufkin,_

_"You are cordially invited to a_ _party tonight at_ _Moominhouse_ _in celebration of the first day of summer. There will be food, drink, music, and dancing till the early hours of the morning._ _It will begin at sunset._

_"I hope to see you._

_"Forever_ _yours, Moomintroll."_

Snufkin reread the invitation he had received for the umpteenth time as he leaned against the railing of the Moomin family's bridge.

It was handwritten in inky black letters, defined by Moomintroll's idiosyncratic print. Jumbled characters all rounded and billowing, as if preparing to float away from the very sheet. The parchment was a sky blue color that Snufkin thought to be quite pretty. Enclosed also was a pressed sprig of rosemary from Moominmamma's garden. This had stuck out to Snufkin for it was his favorite herb. He had shared this fact about himself with Moomin once sometime last year and it seemed that the sentimental troll had remembered. _How thoughtful._

But the reason Snufkin had become so fixated on this invitation was not it's aesthetic beauty or even the news of a party he was inclined to attend. It was the way Moomintroll had signed off; _'Forever yours...'_ That was different from how he addressed any of his past notes and letters to Snufkin. It had always been _'Your friend'_ or, _'See you soon'_ or even, _'Fondly'_. All of Moomintroll's previous messages being that of a friend, but this one? Snufkin was no expert in these matters, but to him it sounded more like something you would use in a _love letter_.

Snufkin clutched the invitation to his chest and was starting to feel a bit lightheaded. Oh goodness, was he blushing? _What am I doing?_

He shook his head and chided himself for dwelling on it like he was. Moomintroll was simply being his doting self and here Snufkin was trying to pry out some hidden meaning. He did not like the way he was reacting to it all and thought it would probably be best to put the invitation out of mind. Snufkin folded it and carefully placed it in the pocket that held his harmonica.

He smoothed out his dress and fixed his gaze on Moominhouse. The sun was setting already and he could see shadowy figures arriving in groups of twos and threes, all congregating around the pair of long tables Moomintroll and Pappa had set out earlier. The grassy area was scattered with pink and yellow flowers and Moominmamma had lit several lanterns to maintain comfortable lighting under the oncoming dusk.

Snufkin supposed the setup was pretty enough. From a distance, that is. He wasn't sure that he would like the view as much once he became a part of it.

Snufkin was beginning to regret ever agreeing to come. He did not like crowds. They made him anxious and gave him headaches. And despite what Moomin had assured him earlier, this did not look like it was going to be a small party.

But how could he have said no? Snufkin couldn't stand the thought of Moomintroll's eyes brimming with disappointment all because he couldn't muster the willpower to attend some frivolous gathering. Snufkin may bear a general distaste for loud parties and crowds but he could not allow those things to prevent him from being a good friend to Moomintroll. Snufkin had let the sensitive boy down in the past and he wanted badly to do better.

This was not something to even be considered. Snufkin had made his decision hours ago. He stuck a clammy paw into the pocket holding the invitation and began to walk the way to Moominhouse.

Approaching the buzzing lights and sounds of the party, Snufkin took a moment to admire the setting sun. The darkening sky was tinged crimson by the fiery star and it was very beautiful. Perhaps, even a bit sad.

Snufkin sighed and walked on, remembering the events that had led him to his current predicament.

_"Good afternoon, Snufkin!"_

_"Moomintroll."_

_"...How's the fishing?"_

_"So so," Snufkin shrugged, keeping his gaze on the red bobber lazily spinning below him against the river's pull._

_"I have something for you..."_

_Snufkin broke his focus on the water to peer to the side at Moomintroll curiously, "Do tell."_

_Seemingly pleased to have caught the mumrik's attention, Moomin grinned and shook his head dramatically. "No! You have to guess what it is! Just t_ _elling_ _you is no fun for me."_

_Snufkin feigned mild annoyance before giving in to whatever game the silly troll was playing, "Fine... hmm, let's see. Could it be a flower?"_

_"Nope!"_

_"A seashell, perhaps?"_

_"Wrong again, I'm afraid," Moomintroll hummed. He did not look very afraid to Snufkin._

_"Oh..." Snufkin's eyes absently wandered back down to his red bobber turning in the water. "Is it a fish then?"_

_Moomin snorted, "What? But why- Oh honestly, Snufkin! Is fishing the only thing you ever think of? Here, since my game was too challenging I will show mercy." With teasing bravado, Moomin slowly pulled the thing from behind his back and presented it to Snufkin._

_Snufkin tilted his head to the side and blinked at Moomin with a vacant expression, as if waiting for the punchline of one of_ _Moominpappa's_ _poorly executed jokes. "You have brought me a piece of paper?"_

_"It's an invitation! We are having a party at_ _Moominhouse_ _tonight to celebrate the first day of summer. I was hoping that you would come. I mean, I know that parties and large crowds aren't exactly you favorite but I promise this one will be small! Barely a party at all, in fact! Just a small gathering! Moominm_ _amma told me that she was only inviting Mrs._ _Fillyjonk_ _, the Muskrat, Sniff, and a few creeps that Little My has apparently befriended, but I doubt they will want to be near any of the real action. Honestly, it seems to me like your sister goes around making these eccentric friends just to make things more difficult for the rest of us... Oh! I almost forgot, Snorkmaiden will be there too, obviously."_

_Snufkin had been listening silent but attentive to Moomintroll's nervous ramble and felt a fond amusement at the tumbling river of thoughts that flowed from the younger boy's mouth. That is, until he heard that Snorkmaiden would be in attendance, "obviously". What was that supposed to mean? Why was her receiving an invitation more of a given than anyone else? Was it more obvious than Snufkin? The mumrik's otherwise neutral expression was disturbed by an unwelcome twitch of his left eye as he struggled to untangle the various emotional nets Moomintroll's words had cast upon him._

_Seeing as his mind had become full and his line was still empty, Snufkin decided it was high time he returned to his tent to do some thinking. He swiftly gathered his fishing pole and bucket under an arm before standing up, rather bluntly signaling to Moomin that he had nothing left to contribute to the conversation._

_The troll had still been going on about Booble knows what but when he noticed Snufkin's change in position he stopped abruptly._ _Moomintroll was now looking at him with a face that was expectant, albeit a tad nervous. Snufkin was perplexed. What was Moomintroll waiting for? Had Snufkin forgotten to do something? His friend usually understood that social graces were not the vagabond's forte... Oh! He wanted an answer about the party._

_Snufkin sighed to himself before glancing back to hold Moomintroll's dreamy eyes in his, "You can count on my attendence."_

_Moomin beamed at him happily, looking somewhat relieved. "That's great, Snufkin! Well, I mean that I- no- We, will all be pleased to see you there!"_

_"Yes it sounds like a plan. I will see you in a few hours." Snufkin curtly nodded to Moomintroll and turned to take his leave._

_"S-Snufkin, wait! You forgot your invitation!"_

_Drat. "Right, of course," Snufkin trudged back to Moomin, took the invitation, and trudged away, all while looking to the ground to try to hide whatever embarrassing expression he was surely wearing. He gave a vague wave of his paw before retreating into the much needed solitude of his tent._

And here Snufkin was, standing before the belly of the proverbial beast. Dozens of voices chattered as one and the mumrik had to refrain from placing his paws over his ears as a means of escape. Why in the world had so many come? Moomintroll had told him this would be small. Even by moomin standards, this gathering was _anything_ but small.

Snufkin stood on the outskirts of the house and observed the commotion a bit warily. He should probably join them. If he didn't go soon, Moomin would be wondering where he was.

Snufkin swallowed dryly and was starting to feel a bit suffocated. Between the buzzing crowd and his own incessant thoughts, Snufkin's current position was becoming uncomfortably confining. Surely agreeing to come had been an unwise choice. Perhaps Snufkin could return to his tent now and wash his paws of the matter completely. This whole ordeal felt far too much like an unwanted chore to suit a lawless mumrik such as himself. He was a vagabond and he could do as he pleased!

...Only then, where would that leave his friend? Snufkin felt an icy fist around his heart at the thought of letting Moomintroll down. He cared too much for the younger boy to just walk away without even trying. Snufkin squeezed the somewhat shaky paw within his pocket and was reminded of the invitation his friend had made for him. _Oh,_ _Moomin..._ He truly was the most loyal and kindhearted friend Snufkin could ever wish for.

For all of his discomforts when it came to parties, it seemed that Snufkin's deeply rooted fondness for _something_ else managed to outweigh those unpleasant feelings entirely...

The fiery sky above was dimming to a black hued blue as Snufkin finally made up his mind.

_Do it for Moomintroll._

He lifted his chin, straightened his hat, and strode onwards with a purpose into the churning crowd of strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey again!
> 
> this took me a little longer than i thought it would but i am more or less satisfied with the result
> 
> there is a lot going on in the world right now. do stay safe and take care of yourself<3
> 
> x thanks to all for visiting x


	4. the party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Snufkin hates crowds, wants his best friend, and doesn't hold his liquor well
> 
> And Moomintroll is filled with regret

_Where is he?_

Finding Moomintroll amidst the mass of party goers was proving to be an increasingly troublesome task. Snufkin had been wading through the accursed crowd for what felt like an eternity and all he had to show for it were a pair of sweaty paws and a dull, throbbing headache. He kept crossing paths with illy recalled acquaintances but never with the one person he actually _wanted_ to be acquainted with. Upon nearly tripping over a group of woodies, he began to suspect with exasperation that the entirety of Moominvalley had been invited to his friend's so called "s _mall_ _gathering"._

The mumrik was nearing the end of his tether when he spotted a pair of fluffy, white ears jutting up from a group beside one of the long tables. He clenched his fists and excitedly ran towards them, only to discover with dismay that they belonged to none other than a hatless Moominpappa. Snufkin irritably groaned at his own bad luck. But before he could slip away, the boisterous man's brown eyes fell upon him, twinkling with amiable mirth. "Well if it isn't Snufkin, my good man! I can't say I expected to see a solitary fellow such as yourself at this gathering but you are quite welcome nonetheless! Say, since you're here, why don't you come inside for a drink? It seems that I am playing the role of bartender tonight."

Snufkin blinked and anxiously drifted his gaze elsewhere, "I don't drink. Uhm, I have to go."

No sooner had Snufkin escaped the unwanted interaction then did he quite unfortunately cross paths with a punch guzzling Sniff. The mousey, brown furred boy looked up from his overfilled glass and began to speak excitedly, "Hello Snufkin! Would you like to hear my new business plan for selling earthworms to fishermen? It's sure to make a fortune just as soon as I get it started."

Snufkin rolled his eyes with a grimace at the creature's conniving nature. Living things were certainly not something to be capitalized on and _sold for profit_. "No, not particularly, _Sniff_. I prefer to dig up my own. What I would like is to find Moomintroll. You haven't seen him around at all, have you?"

Sniff looked disappointed by Snufkin's lack of enthusiasm, but responded to his question nonetheless. "I think I saw him inside Moominhouse earlier when getting myself something to eat. Moominmamma made some delicious sugar cookies that I think may be my new fav-"

Snufkin however did not remain to listen to the rest of what Sniff had to say. The moment he heard Moomintroll could be inside, he left the oblivious creature behind, eager to wash his paws of the offensive conversation.

In the drawing room of Moominhouse, Moomintroll fiddled his paws nervously while darting his eyes about the bustling space. The night was not at all going the way he had wanted it to.

The number of guests actually invited to the party had been a bitter surprise to Moomin. It seemed that his Pappa had taken matters into his own paws and set out to make their celebration know to all of Moominvalley. Thanks to him, Moomintroll had unintentionally led Snufkin to think that this would be a small party. He felt terribly guilty for this and hated to think of how his poor friend might be feeling. That is, if he had even come... It was already dark outside and Moomintroll had not seen Snufkin once. Granted, he had been inside of Moominhouse for most of the party, but that didn't stop him from worrying that the fickle mumrik had changed his mind over attending.

Moomintroll sighed forlornly and turned to restart the record that had just teetered to an end on his father's age old player. He had repeated this monotonous action five times already.

This particular record was quite important for it was Snufkin's favorite. Moomin treasured this knowledge and had hoped to have the record playing when his friend came inside to see him. In fact, during his waiting here, Moomintroll had imagined to himself exactly how things would unfold once his friend arrived... Snufkin would approach him, tipping his hat in a cool greeting. Moomintroll would charmingly tell him how handsome he looked and Snufkin would give a small smile and say something charming in return. Then Snufkin would widen his eyes and say how he especially loves the song Moomin had chosen. And then, if Moomin was feeling particularly brave, he would extend a gentlemanly paw to his friend and say, " _In that case, may I have this dance?_ "

...It was perhaps a bit unrealistic, considering he had never slow danced with Snufkin before in his entire time knowing him, but the troll was optimistic nonetheless. He just needed to keep the record spinning and be patient. He needed to have faith in Snufkin's word.

So he sat on a chair beside the record player and listened to the gentle yet somber melody that rang from it. It sounded like Snufkin. Sitting up straighter, Moomin locked his eyes on the front door, perking up each time it opened only to slouch down again out of disappointment.

He went on waiting like this until a small, red blur broke his attentive gaze. _Little My._ The mischievous mymble appeared to be sneaking and Moomin soon heard the music skipping to a rude halt. She was trying to take out Snufkin's record! He stood up and faced the impish girl, frowning defensively. "Stop that, Little My! This music is special, I need it to keep playing!"

My released the record and sized Moomintroll up with annoyance. "Yes and what's so special about it? You've already made us all listen to it about a dozen times. It's far too slow for my taste anyway. If you keep playing it, I'll surely be lulled to sleep."

"Perhaps that is my intention!" Moomin snapped. My was still looking at him, clearly sensing something else that was the matter. You really couldn't sneak anything past the perceptive mymble without her catching on. Moomintroll began to fiddle his paws again as he looked off to the side and reluctantly mumbled, "It's Snufkin's favorite."

My gave an exaggerated eye roll at this, "Oh brother, well that explains it. Where is Snufkin anyway? Seems to me like he's a no show."

"He's going to be here! He told me he would come... he just needs some time."

"Sure he does. Well while you await your beloved, I'll be outside. If I hear any more of this mushy music I may be sick."

Moomintroll felt deeply offended by Little My's snark but there was nothing he could really do because the girl had already disappeared, vanished amidst the legs of his father's many guests. Moomin settled with grumbling some choice insults beneath his breath before turning his attention back to the record player. He fiddled with it protectively, checking that all was as it should be.

Then, quite suddenly, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. Moomintroll whirled around excitedly and exclaimed, "Snufkin?!"

Snorkmaiden regarded Moomin with a smile that was knowing yet still a bit hurt. "I'm afraid it's just me, Moomintroll."

Moomin cringed internally at his own foolishness. "I'm so sorry Snorkmaiden I didn't mean-"

"It's fine. You don't have to apologize. I think that I am more or less used to it at this point..." 

The friends fell into an awkward silence for a moment before Snorkmaiden lightened up a bit and spoke, "This is a lovely song. Why don't we have a dance? For old time's sake."

Moomin hesitated, thinking of Snufkin, but decided that Snorkmaiden deserved his attention more in this moment. Plus, why shouldn't he choose her over someone who wasn't even here? A childish part of Moomin felt angry with Snufkin for not being with him when he said he would. He tried his best to hush that voice away, telling himself it was immature and silly.

He looked back to the pretty girl for a moment before bowing deeply with a theatrical flourish, " _My fair lady_ , may I have this dance?"

Snorkmaiden giggled with amusement and warmly took Moomintroll's paw within her own. "Oh, such a gentleman! Nothing would please me more."

Hand in hand, they walked to the middle of the room and joined in a slow, practiced dance. They had done this many times before and their steps quickly fell into a familiar rhythm. Holding onto one another, they spun around the room with an easy grace. Snorkmaiden looked to Moomintroll happily and Moomin looked back. Or at least, he tried his best to. Even now he couldn't help but gaze past her from time to time, searching the crowd with an aching heart. 

_Where are you, Snuff?_

Snufkin had hoped there would be less people inside of Moominhouse than out. As it turned out, there were not. The concentration of bodies was even greater than before, only now without the small relief of an open sky above.

He glanced around the drawing room, distantly wishing he was tall enough to see over all the guests. He listened for his friend's voice among the assorted chattering but heard only pretty music. They must have hauled out Moominpappa's dusty old record player for the occasion. Snufkin recognized the music playing as his personal favorite of the Moomin family's collection. This record spun slower and sweeter than the rest. The rolling, pensive tune reminded him of a quiet day spent fishing at sea. Despite how anxious the party had been causing him to feel, Snufkin found his lips quirking upwards at the music. It was nice.

Soothed by the tune, Snufkin continued to search the room for his friend. His eyes widened upon glimpsing a round, white, blue eyed figure. There he was, standing in the middle of the room like a beacon of light to wayward ships, _Moomintroll!_

He was about to approach Moomin when he realized that his friend was not alone. In his arms was none other than Snorkmaiden. They were slow dancing to Snufkin's favorite music and gazing contentedly into each other's eyes. Swaying together like that, they reminded Snufkin of Moomintroll's parents. _A happy couple_.

Snufkin clutched his arms around his chest and took a step backwards. _Oh, I see..._ He had been so sure that Moomintroll would be beside himself with wanting to see him, but it looked as though he could not have been further from the truth. Moomin was perfectly happy without him. He was perfectly happy with Snorkmaiden. Snufkin had been so silly for thinking he could compete with her. There was nothing to compete _for_. She already had what Snufkin could only hope to grasp in his loveliest of songs and wildest of dreams. She had Moomintroll's love.

As much as it pained Snufkin to think, the pair made sense together. She really was an attractive girl. Her personality was good for Moomintroll too, even if she could be superficial or vain at times. Her qualities may not interest Snufkin in the least, but he could see how his friend could become smitten. Moomintroll had always loved pretty things. Pretty things and romantic tales. Snufkin was well aware that he was neither. He was nothing but a drab vagabond who spent more time than not leaving Moomin behind and causing him pain. How could he wish for Moomintroll to want someone like him? His friend deserved a love who would actually be there. It was selfish of Snufkin to desire otherwise. He was no Snorkmaiden.

Snufkin tightened his grip around himself and felt his lips begin to quiver. He couldn't stand to watch this anymore. But for some reason, he could not bring himself to leave. He resorted to ducking his head and shuffling around the room into the Moomin's kitchen.

Thankfully, the kitchen was relatively vacant of party goers. There was only Moominpappa, a hemulin, and a small circle of creeps whispering in the corner. The Hemulen was sluggishly nursing a tall, brownish drink while Pappa stood behind a makeshift counter lined with various glass bottles. _Moominpappa's_ _bar._

Snufkin wasn't quite sure what he was doing as he approached the bar and took a seat atop a tall wooden stool before it.

Moominpappa looked up from his apparent work of vaguely rubbing at the spotless counter with a crumpled rag, "Snufkin! Good to see you again, you vanished quite suddenly earlier. Have you come for some liquid courage?"

Snufkin paused and pondered to himself. His chest was still aching from what he had seen in the drawing room. His head still throbbed from the wretched crowd. "Whatever is strongest will do fine."

"Ho ho ho, putting tonight down in the books, I see! Not to fear, I have just the thing. One Moominpappa special coming up!"

A small glass filled with clear liquid slid down the bar and Snufkin caught it deftly within his paw. He gingerly lifted the drink to his lips and took a sip. It tasted like hell but Snufkin supposed it was fitting for his current mood. He squeezed his eyes shut and downed the bitter, briny fluid in one gulp. He gagged at the burning taste and had to blink away the tears budding in his eyes. Why in the world would someone do this for _fun_? Good thing Snufkin wasn't here for fun, he just needed an escape. "Give me three more."

Moominpappa cut Snufkin off when he noticed the boy's already red face acquiring a queasy tint. Unfortunately by then, the damage had already been done.

Snufkin remained seated and stared groggily into his empty glass, willing it to refill itself. He absently bobbed his head along to the droning music leaking in from the other room. _Moomintroll... I should probably go see him now... I wonder if she is with him._

Suddenly, from somewhere below his field of vision, there rang an all too familiar voice. "I thought that you avoided these types of things."

Snufkin crossed his arms, as if to brace himself. "Hullo to you too, Little My."

The short girl sniffed and wrinkled her snout at him, "You reek of booze."

Something about his older sister's critical expression struck Snufkin's intoxicated mind as incredibly humorous and he began to violently giggle to himself. "I should think so, considering how many fowl tasting drinks I've had. Did you know that Moominpappa has his very own drink? It's called the Moominpappa special."

"It's called a shot of vodka. I thought you hated alcohol! You look and sound terrible, you know... Are you feeling okay?"

 _How rude!_ Snufkin made a high sound of displeasure and frowned, "I am perfectly fine! You don't need to worry about me because there is absolutely nothing wrong! I'm sick and tired of being indoors, I'm going out for some fresh air... Send the happy couple my respects." Snufkin toppled down from his stool and stumbled away towards the back door, swaying his arms and nearly tripping over the bustling group of creeps.

My stared in awe after her brother, experiencing a rare state of disbelief, "The happy _what_..."

Moomintroll had reclaimed his position beside the record player, no longer the subject of Snorkmaiden's good intentioned advances, when Little My reappeared by his side and spoke. "I found Snufkin."

Moomin's eyes widened and excitedly scanned the room for his friend. "Really?! Where is he?"

"Well he's obviously not in here or else you would have already seen him! I watched him go outside through the back door a few moments ago. I think he may have gone around to the verandah. He just left Moominpappa's bar absolutely hammered."

Moomin pulled his gaze from the surrounding people and looked at My with disbelief, "But Snufkin hates alcohol!"

"That's what _I_ said. I think you should go talk to him if he's even still there. You've spent so much time making goo goo eyes with Snorkmaiden that he may have already left."

"Wha- It's not like that between me and Snorkmaiden anymore My and you know it!"

"Maybe you should say that to Snufkin." Little My paused and crossed her arms with a small frown. If Moomin didn't know any better, he'd say she looked _worried_. "But really Moomin, I don't like the way he's acting. I think he needs you."

Moomin scoffed at this and then furrowed his brow, mumbling in a voice so soft he could have been speaking to himself, "Snufkin doesn't need anyone."

My gave him an unconvinced look, "I think you and I both know that isn't true. I just wish the drama queen could get the fact through his own fish filled head. Now get out there and talk to him otherwise I'll have to!" Little My turned and scurried away, leaving Moomintroll alone again in the overcrowded room.

Something My had said hung over Moomin's mind like a dark cloud; _"Maybe you should say that to Snufkin."_ Why would his relationship with Snorkmaiden be of any concern to Snufkin? The mumrik had never shown the slightest interest in it even back when she and Moomintroll _were_ dating. In fact, any time he tried to bring up his relationship with Snorkmaiden to his friend, Snufkin would always clam up or bluntly change the subject. Moomin had just assumed it was a topic that did not interest him... So why would Snufkin care about what he and the Snork Maiden were to each other now?

Moomintroll shook his head to break his train of thought. Now was not the time. He needed to find Snufkin. Moomin thought of his friend feeling unhappy all because of this awful party and clenched his fists. He had to find him and make things right. Filled with determination, he began to weave his way across the room, heading in the direction of his family's side door.

_Please don't be gone please don't be gone please don't be gone please don't be gone..._

Snufkin was not gone. Currently, he was out on the verandah for some much needed fresh air. Perched atop the porch's splintered, white railing, he watched the coal colored sky with a withering expression. The summer night was buzzing and warm and the party goers that remained outdoors were thankfully gathered a fair distance away from Snufkin. A symphony of June crickets busily chirped over yonder and cutting through the night sky was a yellow crescent moon who greeted the mumrik with a lopsided smirk.

Looking up and about like he was, Snufkin had to tighten his grip around the verandah's post as not to fall face first into Moominmamma's gardenia patch. It seemed that all those icky drinks had impaired his normally exceptional sense of balance. That, and they had also imbued Snufkin's body and mind with a peculiar warm, fuzzy sensation. It felt almost as if he had been dipped in a vat of honey. He wasn't sure that he liked it all that much but it was still better than the way he'd been feeling earlier.

Snufkin had been absently humming various bits and pieces of melodies to no one in particular. His current tune was beginning to resemble 'All small beasts should have bows in their tails'. But for some reason, the gay melody left his already fowl tasting mouth feeling sour and hoarse. _This won't do._ He frowned and the humming came to a jolting halt.

Well this was all fine and dandy now wasn't it.

_Why don't you just leave?_

_I made a promise to Moomintroll... sort of... I wanted to see him._

Snufkin remained stuck like that, head bobbing dizzily so that if he had loosened his grip on the post, he surely would have lost himself completely and fallen down.

At least he had found a somewhat quiet place to sit. The people outside were far enough away for Snufkin to feel more or less at ease. Their noise was distant and he caught only the floating fragments of their meandering conversation carried over by the early summer breeze. The lights and sounds from Moominhouse itself continued to permeate through the verandah door but it was still better than actually participating in the party. This position was quiet enough for Snufkin to be drunk and alone in peace.

Apparently all quiet must come to an end for out of nowhere, there came the rusted screeching of the verandah door being swung open. Snufkin flicked his gaze behind himself to identify his new company. He was feeling quite displeased at having his stillness broken until he realized with a gasp who the intruder was. "Moomintroll!!"

The troll's brow had been worriedly creased but his eyes came alight at the sight of the vagabond. "There you are, Snufkin! Where have you been? I was starting to think you decided not to come when Little My told me that Pappa has been serving you alcohol. It isn't like you to drink."

Snufkin blinked and tried his best to focus on what his friend was saying. It was proving difficult with how long Moomintroll went on and how especially distracting those eyes of his were. How could a single pair of eyes hold such beauty? It didn't seem fair. They were an enchanting blue as deep as the storming sea and as wide as the winter sky. They glistened so amidst the lights of the night that Snufkin was certain that if he peered into them long enough, he would see a twinkling microcosm of shining stars.

"...Um, Snufkin? Are you feeling all right?"

His trance broken, Snufkin tried his best to put on a sober face. "I'm fine. Just a bit woozy, I suppose. Drinking is a strange game indeed." Moomin continued to regard him with an expression of concern but Snufkin couldn't bring himself to register it. His friend really did look fantastic. The warm light flooding from out the verandah door illuminated the troll's darkened form from behind in a golden halo. "Moomintroll... you look _really_ good."

Moomin's reaction closely resembled that of being shot. " _What?!_ " He stuttered and rubbed at the back of his head, ears tinging pink. "You really are drunk aren't you, Snuff?"

Snufkin tilted his head to the side and chuckled at the expressive boy. He then looked Moomintroll up and down with great interest, any sense of subtlety seemingly forgotten. " _Maybe I am_... Wanna go up to your room?"

The pink in Moomintroll's ears viscously claimed the rest of his face as he stammered, "S-Snufkin!! _Erm_ _..._ Don't you want to go back to your tent? I thought that after being around all of these people and drinking as much as you have that you would need to be alone."

Snufkin considered this with all the sobriety he could muster. "Hmmm... no. I'd much rather be alone with you, I think. So why don't we go to your room? I hate all this dreadful noise and think your bed will feel better on my bottom than this railing."

Moomintroll audibly gulped and was definitely _not_ thinking about Snufkin's _bottom._ "A-Are you quite sure that's what you want?"

"Well didn't I just say s- OOP!" Snufkin had released his paw from the post to try to elaborate his point and in doing so, lost his balance. His vision skewed sideways and his stomach threatened to spill as he toppled backwards towards the flowerbed below.

The mumrik didn't even get the chance to realize what was happening when something caught his arm, cutting his descent short. Another firm paw wrapped around his waist as he was pulled back up to the verandah to meet Moomintroll's near frantic face. "Oh my gosh, Snufkin! Are you okay? You aren't hurt at all are you?"

Snufkin trembled from both the fall and his friend's dizzying strength. He tugged at his hat and tried not to wobble visibly. "I'm fine. I didn't expect that to happen..."

Moomin visually examined him for any signs of injury before hastily releasing Snufkin and shaking his head with scalding disapproval. "Really, Snufkin! That scared me! You shouldn't have so much to drink when your body isn't used to it! It's an incredibly reckless thing to do and you could have hurt yourself!" He stopped and squeezed his eyes shut for several moments to regain his composure. When they reopened, the flustered troll looked slightly calmer. He placed a warm paw on Snufkin's shoulder and offered him a feeble smile, "Why don't I carry you the rest of the way to my bedroom?"

Snufkin was distantly aware that this was something he wouldn't agree to under normal circumstances but times had changed and he rather liked the feeling of his friend's steady grip on his shoulder. He saw no reason to decline such an attractive offer. "Sounds fine to me."

His verbal consent was all it took for Moomintroll to sweep Snufkin into his arms like some absurd damsel in distress. The troll stumbled a bit and fumbled his paws over Snufkin's form before finding a comfortable balance between his friend's slender body and his own.

Upon being lifted so suddenly, Snufkin went rigid and stiff. He wasn't used to being touched like this and couldn't help but feel startled by the contact. It felt strange to have his weight beared by someone else.

Strangeness aside, Snufkin soon relaxed enough to appreciate the solid arms that now encompassed him. He could feel Moomintroll's rippling warmth and coiled strength so powerfully it was all he could think of. Moomin's grip around his body tightened, causing Snufkin to shiver and let out a nervous hiccup. He trailed a reverent paw over snowy soft fur and voiced the sole thought he was currently capable of putting into words, "You are very strong."

Moomintroll shifted awkwardly at what was perhaps more an observation than compliment. "Oh, um, thanks... Shall we?"

Snufkin's round eyes crinkled and his lips twitched upwards into a sly smile, "It looks as though I don't have much of a say in the matter anymore, do I?"

Moomin huffed an exaggerated gasp of mock offense, "Last time I checked, I wasn't the one requesting to be carried to my bedroom!"

Snufkin snorted and swatted at Moomintroll's chest with no real malice. The boys giggled gleefully in the privacy of one another before Moomin slipped back inside the house with Snufkin in his arms. They made it upstairs relatively unnoticed. By the Booble's grace, even Little My didn't show herself to tease them for their current position. Perhaps that was her own way of showing compassion for her drunken brother.

Inside of Moomin's room, the troll cradled Snufkin carefully and delicately lowered him onto his bed as if he were made of porcelain, softly muttering, "Here ya go, Snuff."

Snufkin felt his warm cheeks grow even hotter as he clumsily shuffled across the mattress until he was lounging back with his head supported by Moomintroll's heaping pile of pillows. Snufkin had never understood his friend's excessive need for so many soft things when he himself _was_ a soft thing. The mumrik preferred the steadfast firmness of his own weathered bedroll but he supposed that if this was good enough for Moomintroll, then it was good for him as well.

Snufkin took a deep breath to clear his haze filled mind and his lungs were met by a fondly familiar scent. The cozy aroma of lavender soap, summer days, and a deeply rooted musk that was specifically Moomintroll. Snufkin liked this smell and hungrily filled up his lungs until he was drunk on it. "It smells like you in here."

Moomintroll had seated himself at the far end of his bed and looked guiltily embarrassed by Snufkin's comment. He fiddled with his paws and glanced down to the floor. "Oh, sorry, it probably does, doesn't it? My bedding could use a wash. I've been meaning to clean up, I know that it's messy..."

Snufkin wrinkled his brow and bit his lip, trying and failing to follow his friend's line of thought... _Whatever is he going on about?_

Moomin's voice trailed off into silence for several moments until he perked up again and looked to Snufkin, "Would you like something to eat? It may help with your, um, _current state_. We have some leftover porridge in the kitchen I could bring you."

Snufkin really wasn't in the mood for the Moomin's week old porridge. The queasy feeling in his stomach hadn't ceased and he had a feeling that if he tried to swallow anything right now, it would only come back up plus interest. "No thanks. I'd just like to lay down for a while until this clumsiness is gone," Snufkin's lips quirked as he paused and flitted up his gaze to meet Moomintroll's in a way he dimly hoped would pass as coy, "If that's all right with _you_ , that is..."

Moomin looked nonplussed by the boy's shifting eye contact and strange expressions and instead responded to him in the kindest voice imaginable. "Why of course it is! Whatever you want, Snuff. Though I'm afraid that may take longer than you think..."

Snufkin let out an incomprehensible "Hmph" in response and the bedroom fell quiet once more. Soon Snufkin layed back on the mattress with droopy eyes, unaware of the sidelong glances his friend was stealing of him every so often. The air between them was growing quite stale when the mumrik sighed and decided he was tired of this. Surely he and Moomintroll could be spending their time alone together doing something more worthwhile! He sat up and crawled over to where Moomin was sitting. His friend looked at him inquisitively and Snufkin just gave a soft smile before curling up beside him and settling his heavy head onto the troll's fuzzy lap. Snufkin thought with immense satisfaction that his friend was cozier and softer than any _pillow_. Ah yes, this felt _much_ better.

Moomintroll went as stiff as a board at the gesture and stammered out through a thinly veiled voice of shock,"Uhm, S-Snufkin??"

The mumrik swallowed dryly and distantly hoped he hadn't followed his impulses too far. "Yes?"

"It's... it's nothing," Moomin sighed, "Just that, you're different when you're drunk."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Well, it's neither, I think. I'm definitely not complaining."

"Hmm. Neither am I." Snufkin reached up a paw to idly play with the snowy white fur of Moomin's thigh. His mind buzzed from the contact and even though a small, rational voice was screaming for him to pull away, he couldn't bring himself to listen. Being here with Moomintroll was just too good. Snufkin sighed contentedly before nuzzling his face into the troll's plush lap. "Mmm Moomee, you're so soft."

Moomin's breath hitched and his leg twitched as he shakily replied, "T-Thanks, Snuff... You aren't so rough yourself."

There then came a tentative stroking of Snufkin's hair. Moomintroll gently trailed a paw through the messy locks, causing Snufkin to purr contentedly. It seemed he was no longer wearing his hat. Snufkin vaguely wondered when he had taken it off but soon lost any interest in the issue for Moomin's caresses were consuming all of his available attention. The troll began to twirl Snufkin's disheveled hair between the pads of a paw and the mumrik felt certain he was going to burn up from the inside out.

Feeling a bit competitive and not wanting to be outdone in whatever game they were playing, Snufkin nuzzled his face even deeper into the crook of Moomintroll's lap, his clouded mind not quite willing to grasp the less than innocent undertones of what he was doing.

Perhaps it was easier for Snufkin to write his current actions off as stringless due to his own inebriation. It was far simpler to use his drunkenness as some strange shield from accountability than to actually acknowledge how good it felt to touch his best friend.

Moomintroll gasped and squirmed a bit at Snufkin's efforts but kept his paw resting in the mumrik's hair nonetheless. Snufkin took the reaction as encouragement and was consumed by an almost desperate need to hear his friend gasp like that again.

The pair went on like this for another minute or so, petting and nuzzling and heatedly teetering around the edge of _Something_ that neither one was willing to address. That is, until Moomin's bedroom door was swiftly swung open by Snorkmaiden. Wholely unaware of the intimate moment she had just walked into, she began to speak. "Moomintroll, Little My is trying to change your music but I told her I would ask you first-" The blonde girl's eyes fell upon the pair and she immediately averted them, crying out, "Oh dear me! Am I interrupting something?!"

 _Yes you are_. Squinting irritably, Snufkin lifted his face to protest when Moomintroll stumbled to his feet, rather rudely dumping the mumrik's drunken head onto the bed with a padded thump.

"N-no! Not at all! We weren't doing anything! I mean- Snufkin and I were just taking a break from the party and then-" Moomintroll fell silent and avoided the damning gaze of both his friends.

"I see," Snorkmaiden eased up a bit but still wouldn't look directly at either of the boys. Her soft cheeks were lighted pink with embarrassment. "Well I'll just tell Little My that you said yes since Snufkin is already here with you in your roo-"

"Yes, okay Snorkmaiden, _thank you_!" Moomin crossed the room and shut the door on her hurriedly before covering his red face with both paws and loudly groaning to himself.

Snufkin felt a sharp twang of hurt at the troll's strong reaction. Why should he care if Snorkmaiden sees them together? _What, is he embarrassed of me?_

"Snufkin of course I'm not embarrassed of you! Why would you even think that?"

Oh dear, did he really say that out loud? Snufkin decided that he definitely hated alcohol. He couldn't bear to sit here and make a fool of himself any longer. He sat up from the bed and spotted his hat lying on the wooden floor. He plucked it up and returned it to his head with passion before snapping, "I'm ready to leave. Goodbye, Moomintroll. Enjoy the rest of your _party_."

Moomin gaped at him with worried eyes, "But Snufkin, wait! Don't you need my help?"

"No, I do _not_ need your help. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself! Just leave me alone!" Snufkin struggled to recall how sober people walk as he stomped out of the room and stumbled down the stairway to the ground floor of Moominhouse. He fought through the crowd, the huffs and grunts of protest shot his way not so much as registering to his current state of mind.

Snufkin exited the house and ran in a less than straight manner until he reached his tent by the stream. He huffed out an exasperated sigh before promptly falling to his knees and emptying the contents of his stomach all over himself.

Alone is his bedroom, Moomin couldn't help the bitter tears that filled his eyes. He had really done it now, hadn't he? It all happened so fast and with Snufkin gone, all that remained was a terrible sense of guilt for what had taken place.

His friend had been drunk for the first time in his _life_ and instead of helping him back to his campsite like a good friend would, Moomintroll had taken poor Snufkin up to his _bedroom_ of all places! Moomin moaned with misery and collapsed upon his bed, bitterly cursing the party that had triggered these events in the first place.

If Moomin loved Snufkin so much, then why would he allow his friend to touch him like that when he clearly wasn't in a sound state of mind? He should have pushed him away sooner. Not gone on with it until Snorkmaiden arrived to see him _taking advantage_ of his dearest friend in the world. Snufkin may have seemed eager and even initiated the contact, but that didn't make it okay. Moomintroll had selfishly leapt at the chance to be close to his friend without even considering how Snufkin would feel once he was his normal self again. How could he be so uncaring?

Moomin roughly rubbed at his bleary eyes and buried his face into his pillow. He realized with an ache that it was the same one Snufkin had rested his own sickly head on mere moments before. Moomin's heart constricted painfully and he squeezed the cushion to his chest, searching aimlessly for any form of reprieve. _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have pushed you away._

That first night of summer for Moomintroll was a restless one. Tossing and turning, he wept stinging tears for all the things he loved that were not his to hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its sad boy hours x(
> 
> so i've been out of town visiting an old friend these past two weeks which is the main reason why it took me so long to update.
> 
> once i got back, writing this chapter was taking me such a long time and I was getting fucking sick of working on it as much as i was. I'm glad to have it over with now so i can move on to something new.
> 
> anyways, sorry for the wait and i hope you all enjoyed this. planning to start+finish the next one soon.
> 
> /0_0\until next time! xox


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